Eating Disorder

Before reading this, if you are struggling with an eating disorder or have done this may trigger you, only read if you’re ready.

My eating disorder started after i got sexually assaulted, i won’t go in too much detail about it because i’d never finish, but it started when he commented on my weight and how i were “Too heavy to move” after he did what he did to me, i went home and didn’t eat, i didn’t even notice i we’re getting bigger until he pointed it out, i don’t know how i didn’t notice and how i didn’t even think to change it but i didn’t. I didn’t eat for a week, i were losing so much weight to the point where my dad said to me that i were starting to look like a skeleton, that obviously fed my ED more, if my dad noticed i were losing weight maybe other people were noticing too.

Another week went past, i did start to eat but it was only one meal a day and i made myself sick afterwards, i told my mum it was a sickness bug but in reality it wasn’t that at all, i wanted to eat but i didn’t want the fats or the calories staying in my body, i didn’t make myself sick for long though, because i noticed i were getting bigger instead of losing so i started to starve myself again. I needed food but i just couldn’t, i just couldn’t eat because all i thought about was the calories and fats.. i felt guilty about eating even though i knew deep down i needed to

after maybe a couple of month of me eating and then starving myself , i started getting better, i was eating everyday and i weren’t getting big, i were working out everyday so i was keeping it off that way, i was actually happy with my body and how i looked. Then it went to shit again, about 2 weeks ago i looked at myself and i saw how much i gained so i started starving myself again.. i feel bad every time i eat and i am being sick. You can’t get rid of eating disorders fully, nobody ever can but i know i will finally be able to control my ED and trust me i can’t wait for that day.